


Alex Morgan vs Jesus Christ

by EverShadow



Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-11-22
Updated: 2012-11-22
Packaged: 2017-11-19 07:12:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,281
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/570606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EverShadow/pseuds/EverShadow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex has a love hate relationship with Jesus when it comes to a certain Tobin Heath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Alex Morgan vs Jesus Christ

**Author's Note:**

> Taking a break from writing serious stuff. Enjoy the crack!

Alex Morgan has no qualms with God or Jesus. She’d gone to church as a kid, and though she’s sort of fallen out of that habit, she still sends up a prayer every so often when something good happens, like when her team wins an important match or she gets selected for the Olympic team, or (especially this) when she first meets Tobin Heath. Firstly, the girl’s endless collection of hats was, and still is endearing to the young forward, secondly, her soccer skills made even the most jaded veteran take note, but it’s really her wide, always ready smile that really made Alex fall in love.  


“Jesus is a really big part of my life.” It’s a sentence that makes Alex pause for just a beat. She was playing around with the silver and gold cross hanging around Tobin’s neck. Her head, situated in Tobin’s lap, lifts up to get a better look at the accessory. It amazes Alex how quickly they fell into this situation; where physical boundaries no longer exist even if their knowledge of each other’s lives is minimal. This thing about Jesus is news to her. Tobin’s left hand strokes Alex’s head comfortingly and her long fingers get lost in the tangles of her hair. Her right hand reaches up and grasps the cross, her fingers brushing Alex’s in the process. Anything she did that involved skin on skin contact made Alex’s nerves buzz. But this time, Alex feels just numb.  


“That’s cool.” She says, letting her arms fall down by her side. And, for lack of anything better to say, she adds, “They’re cool dudes.” Tobin’s smile practically blinds her.  


“Yeah, you could say they’re pretty cool.” Alex wonders if she has a chance to make her smile like that.

~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~  
She has to remind herself sometimes that God works in surprising, if slightly damaging ways. Her crush on Tobin gets no better over the years. When both of them were called up to the Olympic team she finds herself wearing her favorite white dress to a dinner party that Nike sponsored to keep morale up during the long weeks of training. Unfortunately for her roommate and Tobin-crush confidant, this means watching her primp and preen in front of the mirror for longer than necessary.

“Kill me now...” Kelley moans. She lies upside down on the bed, her hair and head cascading over the edge as Alex struggles with the option of putting her hair back in a loose ponytail or letting it flow across her shoulders.

“Shut up, Kelley, I’m almost done.”

“You said that ten minutes ago and I’m hungry. Dude, Tobin’s not going to notice anything except your ass in that dress.” Kelley whines. She takes off one of her heels and chucks it at Alex’s rearend. Alex finally decides to leave it as it was. She turns back to Kelley and rolls her eyes impatiently.

“Fine, let’s go.”  


The whole banquet area is covered with Nike paraphernalia and Alex mockingly asks Kelley if they should’ve stapled the Swoosh to their chests. But her jokes, her breathing, her heartbeat stops when she sees Tobin. Her hair is long down her back, her lipstick just a shade redder than usual. The blue dress she's wearing glitters in the bright hotel lighting and it hugs her figure so closely that Alex could imagine exactly what her body looked like without the clothes. Kelley follows Alex’s shell shocked gaze from the object of her affections, back to her several times. A smirk plays on her lips when Tobin notices them and makes her way over.  


“And on that note...” Kelley points to the appetizer table and vanishes.  


“Wow...you look...” Alex can’t even find the words to describe what this image of Tobin is doing to her brain...or her libido for  that matter. “Just, wow.” The notion that maybe she was fangirling a little crosses her mind and promptly vanishes when Tobin pulls her into a warm hug and, well fuck, that dress is so thin she can feel just about everything.  


“You look amazing.” Tobin whispers in her ear. _Amazing, could’ve said that._ Alex thinks angrily. _Or sexy, or I could take you on the Nike merch table right over there right now. I hope I get into Heaven by proxy because I am totally going to Hell for these thoughts._ Tobin lets go too soon and Alex can’t help but stare. She’s a little stunned, and a little curious as to how Tobin has not noticed it yet. She thought for sure that Tobin would’ve known. She certainly had not been subtle about her ogling this past week of camp. It was so obvious that she’s sure Pia separates them at practice because she knows.  


“You look gorgeous.” Alex replies and Tobin blushes. Alex opens her mouth to say something suggestive, and it’s fine because she “jokingly” hits on Tobin all the time when Heather O’Reilley strikes. Wine in hand, and a little unstable in her gait, Heather manages to catch her heels on long tablecloth, sending the aforementioned wine flying in Alex’s direction. Alex barely has a second to react when she feels cold liquid splash all down her side. Her mouth shoots open in shock and her eyes squeeze shut.

 _No no no no no no._ She begs silently. _Why, God, why?!_ She opens one eye and looks down. The whole room is quiet, except for the sudden gasps that fill the air like a tire deflating suddenly. Her white dress is completely red stained on one side. Heather’s mouth is open and she stutters an apology that Alex doesn’t hear. The young forward wires her jaw shut and runs out of the room.

“Alex wait!” Tobin chases after her and the banquet slowly starts to animate with chatter again. Heather picks up the still intact wine glass and sets it on the table.  


“Aaanndd here’s your fifty.” Kelley saunters up to Heather with a crisp Grant in her hand. HAO takes it with a smirk. “You’ll get another fifty if this actually pushes them to get together.” Heather tucks the bill into her purse.  


“Cue it up, O’Hara, I’ve got it on good authority that Tobin’s totally jonesing for Alex.”  


~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~

Tobin sits on Alex’s bed while she rummages through her wardrobe. She hides in the closet for a little while, wiping the tears from her eyes. This was not how it was supposed to go at all. Tobin walks into the closet and finds her, wet eyed and sniffing.  


“Hey, is everything ok? I mean, we can get the dress cleaned. I know this great technique that my mom taught me...”  


“It’s not the dress.” Alex admits. “I wanted...I wanted to look good.” She means to finish with for you but the courage seeped out of her at the last minute. Instead she lets out a frustrated sigh and leans against the wall of the closet.  


“Hey, I think you look good in anything you wear.” Tobin offers, placing a hand on her shoulder. I think you’d look good in nothing at all. Alex lets out a frustrated breath. “Look at me.” She lifts her head and eyes to meet Tobin’s. The air between them freezes. Alex’s blue eyes darken with want and she’s not quite sure how it got there, but her hand tugs on Tobin’s dress. It’s a barely noticeable tug, but Tobin leans in, as if commanded by the action and their lips brush together.

 _Dear God, thank you for this gift._ Kissing Tobin is, give or take an angel, the equivalent of Heaven. Tobin’s lips pressed hesitantly against hers and wipes her mind completely clean of everything that came before this glorious moment. It would take hours for her to get those memories back, and she would find herself lying in bed, dreaming of the day.

~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~

“I struggled with it for a while.” Tobin admits while they lounge on the hotel bed together, days after they’d won the Olympic gold. It’s the first time Alex asks about Tobin’s relationship with her and God. “I mean, there was a lot of denial, a lot of dating boys I didn’t really like. But in the end, I figured, God made me this way, to deny that is to deny Him.”

“A lot of people don’t see it that way.” Alex says, toying with a lock of Tobin’s hair. Tobin shrugs nonchalantly.  


“God loves everyone.” Alex leans over and kisses Tobin lightly.  


“Well, I love you too.” The kiss is different than usual. Alex gives it purpose and she plays around with Tobin’s shirt, tugging it with her fingers. They’d been together for months now, and Alex was ready to move onto the next stage of their relationship. Her head dips past Tobin’s chin and she nips at Tobin’s collarbone, evoking a moan of approval from the midfielder. Her hands trace the waistband of Tobin’s shorts and then goes upward to the bottom of her shirt.  


“Wait.” Tobin whispers. Alex doesn’t pause. She begins to pull Tobin’s shirt up when Tobin places both her hands atop Alex’s and forces them back down. Sometimes Alex hates God, but never more so than when Tobin utters, “I’m waiting until marriage.”

~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~

“Marriage.” Alex repeats later into her pillow. Kelley’s lying on the couch to her apartment, furiously texting. The act distracts her from restraining a laugh, which, to be honest she would not have done anyway.  


“Sucks to be you.” She giggles.  


“Who the hell still waits for marriage?” Alex props herself up to stare at Kelley for answers. Kelley lets out another breathy laugh, but Alex can’t tell if it’s because of the text or because of her predicament.  


“Well, you know, whatever floats her boat, or ark in this case I guess.” Alex throws a pillow at Kelley for the joke but Kelley hardly flinches.  


“Who are you texting?” Alex asks, jumping from her bed to where Kelley is seated. Kelley tucks the phone in her pocket and rolls off the couch. She slips into her jacket and heads for the door. “Where are you going?”  


“Hope wants me to come over.” Kelley replies without even looking at her. Her hand touches the door before she turns around, a self-satisfied grin plastered on her face. “Unlike you, I have absolutely no problems in the sex department.”

~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~

At first it’s ok, because Tobin is every bit what Alex dreamed of in a girlfriend and more. And Alex isn't about to diss her kissing ability either. She assumes that because Tobin does nothing but kiss her partner (not that she likes to think about it a lot), she’s developed crazy skills. They were skills that, over the next few months Tobin honed to match Alex in particular.

But as satisfying as their makeout sessions are, Alex is a perfectly healthy girl in her 20’s who can’t control her hormones or dreams. It’s after one of these particularly “rousing” naps that Kelley walks into Alex’s place. She is greeted by a mess of discarded clothes in a path to the bathroom. The door is open, and Kelley pushes it slowly. The scene in front of her makes her choke back a laugh. She leans against the door frame, staring with a smug look on her face at the young forward up to her waist in ice water. Was it a sight she was used to? Yes - if there had been practice. No, Alex Morgan was taking an ice bath for a completely different reason. 

“Still no sex hu-”

“'Shut your face Kelley.”

~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~

By the time the 2015 World Cup rolls around, Alex isn’t sure she even knows how to have sex anymore. Desperate times call for desperate measures. If Tobin wasn't going to strip, Alex had to do something, right? Cue the google image search 'tobin heath shirtless.' Sydney had planned on asking Alex if she wanted to grab some dinner, but just as she lifts her hands to the door, she hears a piercing, rage filled scream. “WHY THE HELL ARE THERE 0 RELEVANT RESULTS?” Sydney invites Mitts instead.

Alex is still raging when Kelley makes it back to the room. Kelley jumps on the bed, munching on a banana and peanut butter. She gently nudges a face down, limp Alex with her foot.

“Hey. Hey, baby horse, you hungry?” In response, Alex lets out a frustrated moan into the pillows and does not move an inch. Kelley grins at her predicament.

“If you want, I suppose I could convince Hope to put on a 17 jersey...” Alex springs up into a sitting position like a jack-in-the-box wound up.

“Who doesn’t have topless photos of themselves?! What athlete doesn’t have shirtless or pantless or, hell, NUDE photoshoots?!” Kelley chokes on her banana, dissolving in a fit of coughing. Alex stares angrily at her computer and flops down.

“Wow.” Kelley manages between fits. “You...are...really hurting, aren’t you?” Alex glares at Kelley from her lying down position and slaps her thigh loudly.

“I spent an hour searching. I found one blurry picture of her with her jersey lifted. It’s so unfocused I thought it was me for all of a second.” Alex grabs the pillow and places it over her head. Kelley tries her best to comfort her by patting her arm gently. She can’t really relate, though. Hope tires her out so much that sometimes she pretends to be asleep when Hope pokes her in the side to wake her up. She pretends not to hear Hope when she’s going at it by herself. Rarely, but it does happen, she hides under the bed until the coast is clear.

“Ihuhhuhruhfuhfuh.” Kelley shakes her head to make sure it’s not her ears malfunctioning. But her hearing is fine, it’s just Alex speaking into the pillow.

“Come again? Without that.” Kelley pulls the pillow off of Alex’s face. Alex sighs with her eyes closed.

“You don’t understand just how desperate I am.” She says quietly. “I...I...”

“Photoshopped Tobin’s head on some nude pictures just to get the effect.” Kelley finishes, earning a well deserved slap on the thigh again.

“I read... fanfiction about us.” Kelley’s face goes white.

“You did what?” Alex stares at her incredulously. She flings her hands up in the air in defeat.

“I mean, what else was I supposed to do?! I swear sometimes these writers paint a better picture of Tobin nude than my brain can. But like, as much as I tried, I just got more frustrated because of all the things ‘we’ were doing in the story that the real ‘we’ weren’t doing in real life!” Kelley had treated all of Alex’s attempts to get any action at all with good humor and a smile. But this was going overboard. Things had taken a turn for the ugly, and she wasn’t sure how much more of it Alex could take before it started to hurt the relationship.

“Jesus...” Kelley whispers and immediately regrets her choice of people’s names to take in vain. She should’ve just said “Pia” - they had about the same status in her mind.

“It’s all his fault I’m in this mess in the first place!” Alex sits up again and messes up her hair so that it looks just about as composed as her emotional state. “I just...I really, really love her. And I want to be able to show her how much I love her.

“Maybe you guys just aren’t compatible?” Kelley offers it as an idea, but she hardly means it. Alex lets out another deep sigh and her shoulders slump forward. She stares at her empty hands. Tobin means the world to her, and frustrating as it was, losing her was a worse idea. She would rather go a lifetime without sex than a lifetime without her perfect midfielder. And that’s when it hits her. She jumps off the bed, rocking it so hard that Kelley nearly loses her balance and falls off. She sprints towards the door and Kelley hardly has the time to chase her with a question.

“Where are you going?!” By the time Alex processes the question, Kelley can barely hear the whole thing. The one word she does catch, however, makes her curse aloud and futilely try to stop her.

~~~~~~~~**~~~~~~~~~

The empty stadium overlooking the field is dark, with only the distant city lights to illuminate the area.

“I can’t believe we’re back.” Tobin whispers.

“Yeah.” Alex replies. She palms the ring in her hand and reaches for Tobin’s. The cold metal startles Tobin when it touches her hand and she jumps away. The ring clatters into the bleachers and Alex lets out a desperate cry.

“What was that?” Tobin asks but Alex is on her hands and knees repeating “no” a thousand times.

“Just stay there!” Alex commands, searching for the only thing that could end her years long sex drought. Tobin pulls out her phone and turns it on, shining the light on the ground.

“What was it? Let me help look.” She says, getting down as well.  
  
“No! No I’ll find it!” Alex insists, pushing Tobin away. But Tobin’s eyes, aided by her phone are sharper than Alex’s fumbling hands.

“Hey, is that it?” Tobin bends down and picks up the glittering ring, nestled night between the seat and the joint that connects it to the floor. Alex turns pale when Tobin realizes what it is. She holds it up to the light, turning it back and forth curiously, like she was unsure of what it, or its purpose, was.

“Alex...?” Her eyes flicker over to the sheepishly swaying forward.

“Look, I just...I figure...” She bites her lip. “I figure, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.” Her eyes flit down to the ground for a second before looking back up. What she sees is the biggest grin on Tobin’s face she’d ever seen. Take that, Jesus. Alex thinks triumphantly as Tobin’s eyes water against her will.

“For reals?” Tobin asks, pushing her beanie back further on her head to get a better look at the ring. Alex nods shyly and Tobin lets out a childish squeak before throwing her arms around her girlfriend. Alex holds her close and kisses her. She closes her eyes and lets Tobin become her world; the smell of her conditioner and skin, the feel of Tobin’s fingers gentle but firm on her shoulders and neck, the taste of Tobin’s plain chapstick, and, she swears, she can hear their hearts beat in sync. Even after they break the kiss, all Alex does is hold Tobin and stare into her eyes with a stupid, idiotic smile on her face.“I love you.” Tobin whispers, touching their foreheads together.

“More than God?” Alex asks jokingly. Tobin pecks her on the lips.

“Almost.” She replies truthfully. The USA forward knows better than to be upset. She knows that if Tobin is even considering her for first, that’s enough. And she has the rest of her life to fight for that first place.

“Ok.” Tobin lets out a satisfied smile before breaking into a mischievous grin.

“This isn’t about sex, is it?” She raises an eyebrow suggestively. Alex laughs nervously and kisses her again.

“No, no of course not.” Tobin nods understandingly and the two pull apart reluctantly. They hold hands, making their way carefully towards the exit of the stadium.

“But uh,” Alex pauses just at the door and Tobin eyes her curiously. “You ever, uh, consider doing some more photoshoots maybe? Maybe...naked ones...?” Tobin considers it the whole way back. Hitting Alex with her beanie just speeds up the process.


End file.
